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Helga is the proprietor of a bar. She realizes that virtually all of her customers are unemployed alcoholics and, as such, can no longer afford to patronize her bar. To solve this problem she comes up with a new marketing plan that allows her customers to drink now, but pay later.
 
Helga keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the
customers' loans).
 
Word gets around about Helga's "drink now, pay later" marketing strategy
and, as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Helga's bar.
Soon she has the largest sales volume for any bar in town.
 
By providing her customers freedom from immediate payment demands Helga
gets no resistance when, at regular intervals, she substantially increases
her prices for wine and beer - the most consumed beverages.
 
Consequently, Helga's gross sales volumes and paper profits increase
massively. A young and dynamic vice-president at the local bank recognises
that these customer debts constitute valuable future assets and increases
Helga's borrowing limit.  He sees no reason for any undue concern, since he
has the debts of the unemployed alcoholics as collateral.
 
He is rewarded with a six figure bonus.
 
At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert traders figure a way to make
huge commissions, and transform these customer loans into DRINKBONDS. These
"securities"  are then bundled and traded on international securities
markets.
 
Naive investors don't really understand that the securities being sold to
them as "AA Secured Bonds" are really debts of unemployed alcoholics.
Nevertheless, the bond prices continuously climb and the securities soon
become the hottest-selling items for some of the nation's leading brokerage
houses.
 
The traders all receive a six figure bonus.
 
One day, even though the bond prices are still climbing, a risk manager at
the original local bank decides that the time has come to demand payment on
the debts incurred by the drinkers at Helga's bar. He so informs Helga.
Helga then demands payment from her alcoholic patrons but, being unemployed
alcoholics, they cannot pay back their drinking debts. Since Helga cannot
fulfil her loan obligations she is forced into bankruptcy. The bar closes
and Helga's 11 employees lose their jobs.
 
Overnight, DRINKBOND prices drop by 90%. The collapsed bond asset value
destroys the bank's liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans, thus
freezing credit and economic activity in the community.
 
The suppliers of Helga's bar had granted her generous payment extensions
and had invested their firms' pension funds in the BOND securities.  They
find they are now faced with having to write off her bad debt and with
losing over 90% of the presumed value of the bonds. Her wine supplier
also claims bankruptcy, closing the doors on a family business that had
endured for three generations; her beer supplier is taken over by a
competitor, who immediately closes the local plant and lays off 150 workers.
 
Fortunately though, the bank, the brokerage houses and their respective
executives are saved and bailed out by a multibillion dollar no-strings
attached cash infusion from the government.
 
They all receive a six figure bonus.
 
The funds required for this bailout are obtained by new taxes levied on
employed, middle-class, non-drinkers who've never been in Helga's bar.
 
Now do you understand?

I love this story....

I just put it up on my Facebook page.

That one or a form of it has been around for a while.

Once again it's the woman's fault! lol!

Helga, being broke and destitute, considers turning tricks in the back of the closed bar so she can eat.

Sandor, being the smart saver, offers Helga a place to crash. His pantry is full, safe neatly stocked, garden is green and plentiful, deer hanging in the garage, with chickens running around. Loaded guns abound.

Sandor has no debt.

Sandor offers 3 skimpy meals a day for Helga, with a roof over her head in exchange for unlimited blow jobs and anal sex on demand. Helga must also keep the house tidy and help butcher the deer and chickens.

Helga, faced with the prospect of turning tricks with nasty customers, agrees to Sandor's demands.

However, on a TV talk show Helga claims that Sandor coerced her to exchange sex for food.

Eric Holder's DOJ indicts Sandor for civil rights violations and gets a progressive whack-job judge to try the case. The judge allows the seating of a jury, all of whom are rabid feminists. Sandor is convicted on all counts and sentenced to 20 years. All appeals are denied.

Helga then sues Sandor in civil court, where, due to the criminal conviction, she easily wins the case. All of Sandor's assets that are left after his legal expenses are confiscated to pay for Helga's award.

Helga opens up a chain of bars, with corporate headquarters in Deltaville.

Obama, at a press conference, cites Helga as a shining example of entrepreneurship that helps the economy grow and presents her with the Medal of Freedom.

While resting in a large hammock in his lush green lawn sipping his chilled beer from his backyard chiller in outdoor bar, watching Helga's boobies on the TV, Ironman09 suddenly sees few odd looking bugs on the floor. Suddenly, feels tingling in his nerves and thinks of a possibility of Alien invasion and runs back to home and hangs himself.

You are guys hilarious

.... the economic turmoil continues and Sandor earns an early release from prison. Sandor then taps his hidden reserves and sets his sights on Helga.

Helga, drunk with her ill received riches, had plundered all of her wealth. The economy continued to deteriorate, and she lost her chain of bars. Marcus the Boy Toy had simply wore Helga's ass out, so that bargaining chip was now useless.

Sandor buys back his assets from Helga for pennies on the dollar. Sandor, being the most gracious mother ****er you have ever met, allows Helga to stay in the house. The cost now is ball deep blowjobs with a swallow. All the housework and butchering will now be handled by Helga.

Helga tried to hock the "Medal of Freedom", but was found to be cast from lead and spray painted gold, making it utterly useless.

Sandor then makes generous "campaign contributions" to local and Federal officials and sets his sights on forming a Black Market for desirable goods.

Eric Holder, on his way back from visiting the cartels on his latest gun walking trip, decides to look in on Helga, perhaps to receive some oral compensation for his role in Helga's wealth accumulation.

Seeing Helga's current situation he calls in his JBTs to extract Helga from Sandor's clutches while he is away fishing. Then, still*****ed off at Sandor because he was inadvertently left off his "campaign contribution" list, utilizing all of the legally authorized (by the Patriot Act, NDAA, etc., etc.) powers (delegated to him by Obama) and resources at his disposal, he effects Predator strikes on Sandor's properties, destroying all of them. Unfortunately, many of Sandor's friends and neighbors are collateral damage. Holder also arranges Predator strikes on Sandor's fishing boat, totally destroying it.

Fortunately, Sandor's keen senses warned him of the impending missile hit, and he managed to dive into the ocean just prior to the explosion. Exhausted after swimming 5 miles to shore through shark-infested waters, Sandor drags himself up on the beach to ponder his next moves.

Sandor like a phoenix, rising from his ass (ashes), prepared a list of his next moves, added to kill peterm99 to the top.

Exausted from the 5 mile swim and nefarious sexual excapades, Sandor thinks about true nirvana.

He meets a wonderful seasoned survivor named Svenka, and they build a cozy hut by the productive waters of the Chesapeake Bay.

Sandor and Svenka hunt together, fish together, cook together, and garden together. They enjoy their days in endless laughter and true companionship. No money needed since they barter for everything.

Sandor awakes! And finds himself on a beach dazed and confused with a fresh shark bite to the lower extremities. He looks for a Jellyfish to slap on the bleeding wounds, to stem the flow of blood. More determined than ever, he looks at the setting sun to the West, recalls the rants of Gerald Celente and Rick Santelli, and yells - Onward!

Still on the beach, Sandor has assessed his current situation and he has confirmed in his own mind that his primary desire is to be able to live a simple, comfortable (but certainly not ostentatious) life, away from the rat race, free to do as he enjoys, and far removed from the ever-increasing influence of an overbearing, ever-more-intrusive, money-grubbing government. He is determined to start over and, despite having lost everything, he is confident that his intelligence and resourcefulness will provide a means for him to be able to live as he desires.

While digging barehanded in the sand for clams to give him sustenance, Sandor finds a few dozen Spanish doubloons, apparently left behind from when pirates used to hide their loot ashore. “Aha!,” he thinks, “finally a lucky break after what I’ve been through.”

Unbeknownst to him, he has been spotted on the hidden beach by a surveillance drone, recently acquired by the local constabulary who, tiring of shooting dogs in between their donut shop runs, decide to check out this lone individual illegally digging in the sand without a permit. A patrol car with four officers is dispatched and they head towards that stretch of beach, lights flashing and siren screaming, at 90 miles an hour (just for kicks, you see), uncaringly running over dogs, cats, chickens, and a poor old lady in a wheelchair. Luckily for the officers, the wheelchair did no damage to the patrol car due to the protection afforded by the specially reinforced bumper.

Arriving at the beach, they confront Sandor, weapons drawn. Because he is just a trifle slow to drop to the sand, he is repeatedly tazed and beaten to unconsciousness with flashlights and nightsticks. Upon searching Sandor, they find the doubloons and decide to confiscate them, since they were obviously proceeds from drug dealing. They are extremely pleased that they have done such a stellar job in performing their duties and there are high-fives all around.

The officers take pity on Sandor and decide not to arrest him and take him to jail, but to leave him on the beach. As the heroes in blue walk back to their car, Sandor, in that twilight between unconsciousness and wakefulness, can hear them discussing how to distribute the “drug doubloons” amongst themselves and the other heroes back at the donut shop.

As he slowly struggles back to full wakefulness, Sandor decides that he needs a better plan.

best thread evah