Was goin thru security dautter day packing a honking clip knife I'd fugotten about.

I'm ready to take my shoz off and emptying my pockets [carry contact case with lub in it] and feel my knife. O-S!

So I take it up to the nice TSA lady and tell her I ****** my knife.

Danged if she didn't know just what to do... Are you traveling with anyone else?

Yes.

Do you have a vehicle here?

Yes.

Have your other party take you're stuuf thru the X-ray, you take your keys, boarding pass, ID and knife and put it in your car and come on back thru security.

That waz it. I was impressed.

Returned and saw her at the scanner and told her "well you sure knew what to do"

She shyly said, "Well, I get it right once ina while..."

Cold medicine will make you have ****ed up dreams, try zinc.

So she had the courtesy to give you the reach around? Nice.

While generally I've had either neutral or unpleasant encounters with TSA, I did have one at the Cincinnati airport back in 2002 that still makes me laugh even today.

I was there visiting my sister, and on the day I was to return home she gave me a ride to the airport in her minivan. Now she had 2 small kids at the time, and the van was your classic mom-van - strewn with toys, wrappers, cereal, receipts etc.

So I get there and go through security, do the whole take your shoes off thing etc. As I'm walking away from the security area towards my gate I hear someone behind me yelling "Ma'am! Ma'am". I slow down and look back and see 2 uniformed female TSA agents running towards me.

Freaked out now, and thinking that I'm going to be arrested but I can't figure out for what, I froze. When they got near me I asked "Is it me you were calling for? What's wrong? Is there a problem?"

One of them leaned toward me and in a stage whisper declares "We wanted to tell you that YOU HAVE CHEERIOS STUCK TO YOUR BUTT!"

Sure enough, I reached back there and there was a number of cheerios, picked up from the seat of my sisters van, stuck to the seat of my jeans LOL...

I still laugh when I remember them chasing me down in the concourse to tell me that.

Quote:

"We wanted to tell you that YOU HAVE CHEERIOS STUCK TO YOUR BUTT!"

Good thing. You would have been arrested for bringing food through the security checkpoint.

This is like waving a steak at a pack of feral rabid cats.

I've actually had zero issues with the TSA, that said I fly out of normal airports mostly like Cleveland, Tampa, etc. Not those ****ty east coast ones.

Sometimes I even feel bad for them cause they have to feel me up and I know the ones weren't gay. Ha ha

She gave you permission to keep your own property? Isn't that special....

Actually I've always had good experiences with the TSA, but I haven't flown since the underwear bomber bull**** and body scanners.

I've never had a problem with any cops and whatnot, actually. I have a way of disarming them by making it apparent I'm helping them do their job, so I don't provoke their instinct to want to bash my face in. But as soon as they started doing things (gaterape, radiation) where I would definitely tell them "No, you won't do this to me" and make them want to bash my face in, I just quit flying.

Quote:

and tell her I ****** my knife.

Please, tell us more about what sort of adventures you and your knife get into.

^ that means he stuck it up his [where da sun don't shine]

Oh bull ****.

They don't have to do anything.

They voluntarily choose to do so.

Business trip to Texas, someone gave me a good sized jar of Salsa to take home, I stuck in my suitcase - thinking, I need to give this to the hotel maid, bellhop or someone.

So, forgot about it.

TSA lady picked it up on the scanner, looked at me questioningly? I smiled, I forgot it- can toss it if you like.

She Xrayed it - put some sort of "OK" sticker on it - smiled, handed it back to me and said have a nice trip.

These anecdotes merely prove the adages: "Even a stopped clock is right twice a day." and "Even a blind squirrel finds an occasional acorn."

Didn't notice a jar of Salsa in your suitcase when you were packing up to go home? Uh????? Not really believable. Sorry.

I must say, I just went through Chicago airport. Went through the scanner...and a guy seemed to randomly choose one of my pockets to check (the left one he told me he'd check)...and then he told me that he was going to check the inside of my groin area....but he didn't get near my junk.... I got the feeling that they were trained to check my reaction more than anything, as I noticed he was looking for my reaction.

Also, when the first guy checked my boarding pass and ID, he also looked intently at my face and my reaction....so I really did get the sense that they aren't focusing so much on the "checking" and more on the body language. (Although, I did get the full body scan on top of it all).

he wanted to see if you were terrorized by the sexual abuse, or if it turned you on. If it were the latter, he'd have flagged you for more special time.

Yeah, advice for most of you, just grin and blink real fast!

Then blow'em a kiss...

Stockholm Syndrome alert!

I mean, they coulda murdered you but they didn't...

...ain't they nice people?

Dude, you sodomize your knife?

(I'm sorry, I just had to...)

The only thing positive I have to say about the TSA is that I have managed to avoid them entirely, since the full-body-naked-picture-booth-scanners and/or manual-groping-by-a-trained-ape policy went into effect...and intend to keep it that way.

Good for you RJ.
My current employment status doesn't include such fringe benefits.
Anyways, If I am diverted to these hands-up-devices, my passive aggressive response is: "oh, I have to go through the cancer machine this time?"
Pretty soon, I might change it to: "oh, I have to go through the cancer machine, AGAIN???"

Expy wrote..

This is like waving a steak at a pack of feral rabid cats.

yeah—you know better Expy

SWING,
In the sense of honesty,
You missed a jar of Salsa in your luggage?
Why would you embellish something like that.
that is exactly why we are fragmenting?
you will not be immune
you will NOT be immune

^ actually he got the Rule10 vaccine, so he's immune